Getting Old
Almost as silly as 20 yr old Edwyin Collins singing about wanting to "be young again" sometimes I feel almost unfortuantely old. Not in the sense that I'm old because the age I am, but more because I feel like I'm older than my peers. Being 27 won't qualify me for AARP or anything, but it significantly older than my 19 yr old roommate or my other recent college graduate friends. Adding to the proble is my feeling that not only am I old, but I am neither "acting my age" or "keeping my youth". That is I feel like I'm enjoying some nether-age where I don't feel comfortable about talking about purchasing homes and marriage and am also more than frustrated with social squabbling and partying of early 20's.
And since I've tried to take on some of the supposed responsabilities of adulthood (career path, etc.) the past couple years I've felt more and more embattled. It's probably only with fogged hindsight that I claim I'm more frustrated now with my choices and plans than I was four years ago, but it sure feels like it. Worries about money/sex/future seem so much more prominent in my daily thought process than earlier in my life when falsely imagine I didn't worry about those things at all. This whole mid-20's thing has me thinking and it all reminds me of the well-known description of the record industry written by Steve Albini. His key metaphor being that signing to a major label is the same as being asked to swim across a lake of raw sewage to reach the other side without any rewards. Mid-20's, or life in general, seems the same but instead of selling-out being the shit swim, not selling out is the hard path to take and with no reward. There's no prize for being a righteous dude and it's no easier unless your self-rightousness becomes it's own reward. And selling-out, giving-up, taking the path most taken doesn't improve things much either, it's still a struggle and you can't even bank on being self-righteous.
So it's a lose - lose proposition. The only benefit of being righteous is maybe that your eyes are more open, but then you get fucked, die, etc. and what was it worth. not much.
And since I've tried to take on some of the supposed responsabilities of adulthood (career path, etc.) the past couple years I've felt more and more embattled. It's probably only with fogged hindsight that I claim I'm more frustrated now with my choices and plans than I was four years ago, but it sure feels like it. Worries about money/sex/future seem so much more prominent in my daily thought process than earlier in my life when falsely imagine I didn't worry about those things at all. This whole mid-20's thing has me thinking and it all reminds me of the well-known description of the record industry written by Steve Albini. His key metaphor being that signing to a major label is the same as being asked to swim across a lake of raw sewage to reach the other side without any rewards. Mid-20's, or life in general, seems the same but instead of selling-out being the shit swim, not selling out is the hard path to take and with no reward. There's no prize for being a righteous dude and it's no easier unless your self-rightousness becomes it's own reward. And selling-out, giving-up, taking the path most taken doesn't improve things much either, it's still a struggle and you can't even bank on being self-righteous.
So it's a lose - lose proposition. The only benefit of being righteous is maybe that your eyes are more open, but then you get fucked, die, etc. and what was it worth. not much.
posted by furtanic at 3:55 PM
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